Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize