fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
