You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize