You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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