Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
