the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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