Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
