Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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