Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
