I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Are we still banned from the library?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
