so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
