found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
