We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
