so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
