I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
