News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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