'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
