Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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