i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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