I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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