goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
