trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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