I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
