I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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