Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
