Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
