bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
