I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize