I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
