Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
