Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
