I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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