I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
literally had 100 drinks last night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
