mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize