It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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