If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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