You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
