Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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