she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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