he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
