Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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