fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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