I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
