you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
