What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
