and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
