Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
