I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
