Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
