I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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