And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
