He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
