apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize