Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
