she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
