i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
