she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
