the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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