You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
