I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
