Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
